To all married freelancers

[adderslj]

How the heck do you manage to write with your wife/husband/SO about?

It feels so damn odd sat here alone in the study while Lorna does other things in the house and garden. I imagine I'll get over it in time, but right now, it's hard.

Comments

[eynowd.livejournal.com]

It just takes practice. It's much easier to do with your wife isn't around, I'll admit, but it is possible to shut yourself into the study and just write.

Mind you, I still haven't managed to teach my wife that just because I'm up and wandering about, it doesn't mean that I'm available to get her a drink, or talk about something else other than what I happen to be working on at the moment. I doubt she'll ever get it, either :(

It gets worse though: you should try writing with two young kids running around as well. That's much more of a challenge :)

[demiurgent.livejournal.com]

It will become easier as you get more used to the idea that you aren't a host and she's not a guest -- you in fact both live here, and she's able to entertain herself. Well, usually, anyhow. And, I'm pretty sure Lorna will understand "it's time for Adders to go to work now," when it's time for you to be a-working.

On the other hand, 15 minute breaks just became vastly more pleasant. You can walk out of your study, get something to drink, and boom, there's your wife -- ready for conversation and pleasantries. Unless, of course, *she's* busy. And then comes the oddity in the other direction -- there's someone in your place, and she's not actually there to entertain *you,* either.

I'm not sure if I helped or not. Cheers!

[sailormur.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what demiurgent said. She's not a guest in your house, you're not obligated to entertain her 24-7.

You really didn't elaborate on what exactly is bugging you. Do you fear she's lonely or bored? Do you see the things she's doing (unpacking stuff, working in the garden) and want to help or just enjoy doing stuff with her? Is she expecting you to spend time with her instead of write?

It will take time to establish a schedule that works for you, and time to just get used to the idea of working in the house with someone else there. Incidentally, it's easier for me to work with the baby napping or amusing herself beside me than to work when cthulhim is home and playing with her while I work, because then I want to do the family thing and hang with them both.

Anyway, I'm sure it would take some getting used to even if you weren't a freelancer, because there's always that period of adjustment when you move in with someone. It'll come. Hang in there. :)

[maliszew.livejournal.com]

It's very hard to do -- almost as hard as writing when there are kids around. :)

More seriously, I didn't start serious freelancing till two years after I'd been married, so, by then, my wife and I had already settled into patterns that I could exploit to allow for maximal writing efficiency. Nowadays, I find I mostly write late at night, after my wife is asleep (and hopefully my children are too).

[tenzil.livejournal.com]

Like Jim M, I was married and had kids before I even started. It's impossible for me to write while the kids are awake and around, but once they're in bed I'm okay. Ellen's presence doesn't bug me when I'm writing -- and as often as not, she's four feet away, also writing.

This will sound stupid, but we occasionally IM one another or talk on a mud rather than speak out loud, when we're both writing. It disrupts our train of thought less than actual speech.

[slog.livejournal.com]

that's not stupid at all. I work with my SO, so "speaking" over the various methods provided by the internet is actually easier because we have a literal frame of reference to go back to in the conversation.

Plus, written text does take up a different part of the brain than spoken, leading to the feeling of unbroken thought. I prefer typing myself because I spend the time to think things through instead of just the normal mouthing off ;-)

[rickj.livejournal.com]

I write when Heather and Jack are asleep. Oh, sometimes I write when Heather's awake and downstairs doing something else.